He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
