I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
