Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize