12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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