I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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