I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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