i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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