if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
