What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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