Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need to calm my uterus...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
