Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
