I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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