people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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