Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
