he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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