my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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