he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
