hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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