He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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