a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
