Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will be naked everywhere
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
