remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
