I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
