So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
