I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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