I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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