I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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