we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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