I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
