well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
