because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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