We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
