I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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