You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize