How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
