he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
