That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
