I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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