Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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