Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
