I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
