I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
