I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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