you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
