My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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