are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
