This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
