don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Boobs speak an international language.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
