too bad you live with your parents still
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
