Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
