I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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