Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
