Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
