Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
