what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
