they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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