my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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