It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
