I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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