I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
