how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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