ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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