OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
