apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Randomize
