I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
