Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
