fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
