He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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