I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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