i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
