we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
