it hurts more in the daytime
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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